Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
Monday at 1040 am I finally hopped onto the examination table, I have been dreading this moment for a year. When I realized there could be an actual issue with my body I did all I could to ignore it. I was not yet ready to witness the true brokenness of myself. As I nervously answered questions and tried to remember the long words and medical terms the doctor used I was overwhelmed with the knowledge of just how small we are in the world. The doctor informed me I would be going into the hospital later in the week to under go my first infertility test, a HSG test. The long name is Hysterosalpingography. In short it is a xray used to help diagnose tumors, masses or any malformation in the fallopian tubes. Seems simple enough, right? WRONG!
I arrived at the hospital on Wednesday morning I was told to bring a driver bc I would be in too much pain to drive, oh hooray. After a long wait, but praise God a great staff, I was lead into a small closest like room and told to put on a gown . From there I was taken to a larger room where I laid on a table while an amazing number of tools where placed next to me, Again let me stress how great the nurses were, I was scared and emotional and they were loving and gentle. Finally the doctor , who is also wonderful, came in and asked me to lie back while, and this gets graphic, opening my legs so she can open my cervix with a speculum then GRASP AKA HOOK my cervix with a tenaculum. I cannot express the amount of pain I felt during this, I screamed in shock as I was "hooked" . Then a dye is injected into your body while a xray is taken. Painful but not as bad as the hook, did I mention this was all drug free??!?! Why I do not know. Finally the images showed I have no blockage in my tube, PRAISE BE TO GOD! However while the doctors where looking at the xray they realized my uterus has an odd shape to it. Not knowing if this is bc it is in chambers or if it bc of a large speculum. I was taken off the table and ordered to get a MRI this week. The MRI will be step two in this journey, I am so thankful that my tube is clear and now prayerfully walking towards the next test. We are just at the beginning of this path but as we pray about it we both feel sense of peace, no matter what the outcome, kids or not, we are loved and well cared for by our King. In this season I need to focus on Him on His coming into our life and the joy and love He brings.
1Praise the Lord.a
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
2Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
3Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,
4praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
5praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.
6Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord.